French and I got into a discussion about it recently when we made this video:
Some of the boys who are "for the boys" called the video soft and said he'd never make a video like that. French asked them to explain. The boy expanded and refined his argument by calling it gay. French then felt compelled to wise the kid up. He heard French once, but he gets this "for the boys" opinion reinforced constantly by all of his peers.
The big problem I have with this philosophy is that being "for the boys" is against the girls. Here is one example: The "for the boys" guys were making a list of girls to invite to a party that were easy. They even went into detail about what skills they wished the girls to have.
Dehumanizing
French went through a "for the boys" attitude for many years. I've consoled many a broken heart in his wake. Eventually many men grow out of this...phase; some don't.
...what do we do about "for the boys"?
I'll start with my three sons.
22 comments:
I wish there were more parents like you out there.
I read this over on the other side ... well your other blog. Here, my feelings are different. I don't know what age the students are ... and French (great name) but sad having homophobic feelings when young ... well anytime.
What are Oslonomics? Ollie I am such a literal old gal that I thought you were a monk, yet here you have children?
I still love the pervasive sense of youthful love here. Now I remember that you asked readers to do something to assist with the video, so I shall go back and see what it was. Liz (lrsosne@gmail.com)
I guess I don't completely understand what you mean by for the boys. I think that feminism has painted boys into a very small corner and demasculated (made up word) so many areas that used to belong to men, alone. Feminists even want to be Boy Scounts now. I don't see the homophobia in wanting some things to just be for the boys. I'm sure I'm missing your whole point.
The dying Patriarchy wont go quietly it seems, Olie, it will kick and scream all the way im sure.
Hooray for you! Hooray for your boys. How lucky and skilled they will be as men.
As the French would say; "Viva la difference"...we should enjoy our differences, and embrace them, and kiss them on both cheeks~!
Teach them Ollie, teach them and then let the rest of us (with wee boys still) how.
Interesting thoughts. I have three sons and I don't think they have this attitude, but maybe they wouldn't tell their "mom" about it if they did! :) I think we all need to respect each other more, and this was a great reminder of that very truth. Thanks for sharing!
I could easily get depressed here as my oldest boy is only 4 and I if history repeats itself, the struggles will be great for him in a few more bends on the journey. But I think I'll follow your suit. I'll start with him.
Reminds me of 'being the change we wish to see in the world,' starting in our own homes with the next generation.
I like your elusive narrative wrapped in some straightforward. Beautiful combination.
starting with your sons is the best place to do that...and that will ripple outward....
best place to start - right there in the home - then they can go out and spread their word - wonderful - Lib
Very cool. Nice song. So you're a pretty good guy...hmmmm, ok. I'll buy that for now. Thanks for visiting. I think starting where you are is wise. Three is a pack. Packs need a leader. Lead on!
lol i love raven's comment about you being a monk yet still having children. anyway, this makes me want to be a darn good mom. because with all my heart, i want my boys to be "for the world" not for one gender or another.
Interesting post Olie. Why do you think girls were always attracted to bad boys? In my experience, nice guys finish last because girls get bored of nice guys. Maybe they grow out of this. Or maybe nice guys just end up getting trampled. It's a sad truth. But, still, it pays to be truthful.
starting with your 3 sons is a great place to start...wishing you every success.
love how you expressed your thoughts here. and yes, starting with our own kids, and hopefully empowering them to be powers of influence in their world.
i only have one son, but as a mom with three girls--i particularly appreciated your perspective.
Oh My ! Wish I would write poems , songs or lines for you :)
Loved the video and the music and even the voice that sings
Gotta share this one " for the boys " of course :)
That is the place we have to start, our own children. Teach them to set an example, treat people with respect, etc. A good piece.
since we try to visit around on imperfect prose, i wanted to say hello after you came by my place. interesting topic--and even more interesting in it's delivery. im glad for fathers out there like you who desire to raise their men right for mothers of girls like me! blessings.
dang. those boys, your sons, and this world need more men like you.
masculinity should never be about exploitation or narrow boxes. men know that--it's boys who get confused. this is why these conversations and good mentors are so crucial.
your video is beautiful. i loved how it showed a tenderness to high school relationships that we tend to ignore or dismiss. i loved it.
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